I have been trying to write something..I start it..and find a difficulty to continue or do not like the turnout. It is not that I am not getting the urge to write, because I am, but there is always that same procedure.
It’s amazing how I have so much to talk about, every single emotion, every feeling, every mere thought but it is so hard to jot it down in words. It frustrates me really because I am that kind of person that can get really deep when I want to, especially when it is something I feel passionate about.
Same thing applies to when I am singing. I obviously love singing, and it is still a space where I am free of all judgements. However whenever I sing, and this is the hard to explain part, it is like I want to sing and do so with all the power that is inside me, but I stop myself from doing so. Crazy right?
I am in a situation where I start to think to myself. ‘But am I using all my talents accordingly? Or am I throwing them away?’ and I feel that I am doing the latter. It is sad. It is heartbreaking and overwhelming, because the fact that I want to write and I want to sing and I want to pursue in my hobbies and I do not do them kills me on the inside.
As a person, I am quite loving, caring, thoughtful, kind and so many other traits..but do I make use of them all on a day to day basis? Or do I just let them wash away and turn into anxious thoughts and beliefs?
Might I add, I question things..constantly. It can be mind wrecking at times especially when I don’t have an answer and I am left with a dozen of questions hanging.
I like connecting myself with my writing. Most of the poems I write are about a difficult period I went through personally, and they were real feelings that I felt and experienced- and that was a way through which I felt ‘good’ in a sense that those feelings and emotions were not just left there but there were transposed into paper, and you can see them there explaining and defining your situation. And that is amazing really.
In the end, I know that all I want is to write but I stop myself from doing so. It could be because there are so many thoughts going on in my mind that I can’t seem to grab them, or maybe because I have so much studying to do and I am still very backwards. There is also the possibility that I am the one who ends up judging myself, that criticises the way I write- sucks right?
I know it would be too much, but maybe you have some suggestions or tips? And also feedback..thats always nice ❤