If

If this is a poem, 

And you were my words

I want to digest and chew you

Then spit you out

Creating perfect verses.

 

If I’m writing a song,

And you’re the notes

I’m going to take a deep breath

And wait for the right tone 

I’ll listen to the melody that surrounds us.

 

If you are a soul,

And I’m the empty vessel 

I want to wear you

Change everything that was-

A metamorphosis: starting anew

 

If you were me,

And I’m the core

Let us merge and be self-aware

Thus reaching the end of the 

Never ending corridors present in life 

Realm of solitude

Engulfed within the deep realm

of me, myself and I

and I ponder

about what I have become.

 

Being lonesome gives me time,

to think and explore 

the great unknown:

as within the body, 

there’s a soul

constantly craving for more & more.

 

Adventures are never lasting,

all is left is to roam

and so the mind thus wanders,

to unexplored land

the inexplicable-

what it cannot understand .

It seeks a place within,

where there is peace everlasting

because there is nothing wrong with being alone.

just breathe.

it happens in just one short moment.

when the words escape you

but, it’s not just words.

it’s anger, anxiety, fear and stress.

they just fire away

one bullet at a time.

 

apologies are useless,

it’s like talking to a wall of hard concrete.

then it becomes a mind game playing over and over,

trying to fix how things were said:

rumination at its finest.

 

 

it’s easier said than done

to try to remain calm,

counting to ten, breathing in and out.

when you feel your insides bubbling.

but you know it can cause harm,

so maybe next time, just bite your tongue.

 

Panic

Walls closing in,

Barely any time to breathe.

No energy, a unison is formed

With apprehension roaring within.

;

A feathery heart screaming deep inside.

Urging, yearning for an inch of oxygen.

Yet the fire spreads quickly

And everything is steadily scorching

;

Blurry, murky visions

Blinding and binding you

To your own weaknesses

;

Then you feel a sudden drop

And sudden chills circulating

Underneath your skin

.

 

Intrapersonal battle

What now is this?

A mind full of wit and intellect-

Confused and convoluted,

With stripes of mud highlighting the face.

 

What battles were faced in cold and dark corners,

Hidden and aiming not to be found,

Beneath the gyri and sulci, 

And all of the thoughts from within?

 

How hard is it to watch 

Your own self facing what once was,

What can be known,

And entities that could have been found?

 

No shield has been brought,

And definitely no weapon,

Just this mere rational mind,

Which have been strangling me. 

 

What will I conquer 

From this useless battle which I had initiated 

Way before I knew all of its consequences, 

In addition to all of the loses? 

 

 

illusion

~staring blankly at the piece of paper

which has been laying in front of me.

Words have been escaping and

all i see is faded letters,

dancing around in my mind~

 

~the emotions within

have been fighting to break out

however, not even one sentence could be formed~

 

~illusions of happiness,

of days filled with laughter

but all i see and feel is

the melancholy of the terrible routine

of one day leading to another~

 

~hearing my heart beat

moving with every thought

that fill my brain.

Thoughts which are fighting to emerge~

 

~there are no dreams at night,

 just pitch darkness and shadows

pounding on my mind~

 

Isolated

A soul,

shattered, broken

and isolated.

Weeping for all its

great unknowns.

 

 

A body,

emptied from all

of its emotions.

Every one

dropped into the sea.

 

A human,

who is tired of

being hit and gutted.

Conflicted

and convoluted.

 

 

A person,

who is lying down

trying to sleep.

But her anxiety

keeps snatching her.

 

A home,

which was turned

into a pitch of

sadness.

And nothing to look

forward to.

 

What now?

Why are all so eager to

bulldoze all of the memories

we have shared together?

All is crumpled and torn apart.

My heart is ripped with

the little things that

remind me of how things were.

.

 

So what now? Do you think it will all get better?

What about the good days?

Have they all been washed away?

Are they that distant?

.

 

It is useless fighting it now.

I can’t get my memories back.

They have been drowned with

all of the blood that has been shed.

We have become prisoners

of this place and there is no way out.

No light, just pitch darkness.

I can feel the water filling up

my lungs, it is suffocating me.

.

Eventually I will give in,

and let my last air bubble

float up, and my body will become numb.

.

 

 

 

The journey

 

He asked me to take me

into a hidden passage.

Some times he placed me 

Upon his shoulder, 

Other times he left me

in the dark calling me 

So I follow his voice.

 

It is not always easy 

Finding him with all 

The distractions in life.

I always found it 

More pleasant being carried  

By him, but he is a busy man.

 

We travelled through a 

Forest filled with tall trees.

He told me to cut some green 

Branches, and I did.

Later we found some 

Cherries and other berries,

And I was told to eat some

For the rest of the journey.

 

He took me to the mountain,

Which I had to climb.

It was not an easy task 

And it did take some time.

I fell back once or twice,

I turned to him for advice,

But he told me it was my fight.

 

He was waiting for me

By the end of the trials.

I had made him very proud.

He told me, ‘Be free, I will 

Always guide you.’ 

I left, without seeking for him.

 

After that, I felt lonely

And desperate as I couldn’t 

Feel his hand guiding me.

The journey was harder, longer. 

However he was always there

I was just too blind.

Shadow

Something crept silently

behind me.

It filled me with its

invisible leaves,

and  its unseen trunk.

It lingered there peacefully,

and did not require sounds.

Facing me there,

an unmoved shadow.

Nothing else stirred,

apart from the waves

of the sun.

It was patient,

waiting for me to dive

into my world of imagination.

 

The leaves started seeping

into my blood vessels,

and I felt them

darken every corner 

of my vernacular system.

My breaths were getting 

slow and heavy,

and my vision blurry.