Intrapersonal battle

What now is this?

A mind full of wit and intellect-

Confused and convoluted,

With stripes of mud highlighting the face.

 

What battles were faced in cold and dark corners,

Hidden and aiming not to be found,

Beneath the gyri and sulci, 

And all of the thoughts from within?

 

How hard is it to watch 

Your own self facing what once was,

What can be known,

And entities that could have been found?

 

No shield has been brought,

And definitely no weapon,

Just this mere rational mind,

Which have been strangling me. 

 

What will I conquer 

From this useless battle which I had initiated 

Way before I knew all of its consequences, 

In addition to all of the loses? 

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illusion

~staring blankly at the piece of paper

which has been laying in front of me.

Words have been escaping and

all i see is faded letters,

dancing around in my mind~

 

~the emotions within

have been fighting to break out

however, not even one sentence could be formed~

 

~illusions of happiness,

of days filled with laughter

but all i see and feel is

the melancholy of the terrible routine

of one day leading to another~

 

~hearing my heart beat

moving with every thought

that fill my brain.

Thoughts which are fighting to emerge~

 

~there are no dreams at night,

 just pitch darkness and shadows

pounding on my mind~

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What now?

Why are all so eager to

bulldoze all of the memories

we have shared together?

All is crumpled and torn apart.

My heart is ripped with

the little things that

remind me of how things were.

.

 

So what now? Do you think it will all get better?

What about the good days?

Have they all been washed away?

Are they that distant?

.

 

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It is useless fighting it now.

I can’t get my memories back.

They have been drowned with

all of the blood that has been shed.

We have become prisoners

of this place and there is no way out.

No light, just pitch darkness.

I can feel the water filling up

my lungs, it is suffocating me.

.

Eventually I will give in,

and let my last air bubble

float up, and my body will become numb.

.

 

 

 

The journey

 

IMG_0068He asked me to take me

into a hidden passage.

Some times he placed me 

Upon his shoulder, 

Other times he left me

in the dark calling me 

So I follow his voice.

 

It is not always easy 

Finding him with all 

The distractions in life.

I always found it 

More pleasant being carried  

By him, but he is a busy man.

 

We travelled through a 

Forest filled with tall trees.

He told me to cut some green 

Branches, and I did.

Later we found some 

Cherries and other berries,

And I was told to eat some

For the rest of the journey.

 

He took me to the mountain,

Which I had to climb.

It was not an easy task 

And it did take some time.

I fell back once or twice,

I turned to him for advice,

But he told me it was my fight.

 

He was waiting for me

By the end of the trials.

I had made him very proud.

He told me, ‘Be free, I will 

Always guide you.’ 

I left, without seeking for him.

 

After that, I felt lonely

And desperate as I couldn’t 

Feel his hand guiding me.

The journey was harder, longer. 

However he was always there

I was just too blind.

Shadow

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Something crept silently

behind me.

It filled me with its

invisible leaves,

and  its unseen trunk.

It lingered there peacefully,

and did not require sounds.

Facing me there,

an unmoved shadow.

Nothing else stirred,

apart from the waves

of the sun.

It was patient,

waiting for me to dive

into my world of imagination.

 

The leaves started seeping

into my blood vessels,

and I felt them

darken every corner 

of my vernacular system.

My breaths were getting 

slow and heavy,

and my vision blurry.

 

Home

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What is this building

which I am tied to?

My secret desires always

Pulling me towards its comforts.

How can I see beyond

The horizons of my four-walled room?

If I constantly pull myself towards it

And go within to search for

Something that has long dissipated.

The vortex of its safety

Continuously sucking me in,

Hiding from myself,

Engulfing it all in.